That weight on my shoulders is 6lbs

I knew this would happen. A few months ago, I started sliding a little bit with my workouts and not controlling what I ate. Before you decide that I'm one of those crazy health freaks who diets, let me assure you that I am so not! I lost a total of 28lbs since I got myself a personal trainer over a year ago, who has helped me a lot by putting me on the right exercise plan. This was important because I'm bow legged and with my knee injuries I can't certain types of exercise. The food part, I had to work that out on my own, and I succeeded at it thanks for the most part, to this book called Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Anyway, I started sliding with my workouts and what I ate a few months ago, and needless to say I've regained 6 lbs!!! It's the worse feeling in the world to be back in that weight category that I tried so hard to get away from. Well, I knew it'll only get worse because I hadn't the time to hit the gym the few weeks prior to Christmas and when I finally weighed myself this week, I gained another 2lbs. What I'm upset about is not only because I fell off the bandwagon but also because I allowed myself to get off track and forget the discipline it took to get to where I had been until a few months ago. The last thing I need is to forget why I'm doing this, which is to be stronger and have more stamina so I can do the things I used to love doing without having to catch my breath. The weight loss and looking better are just a bonus. It's Jan 5, and my goal is to lose another 34lbs, although I'll be 20lbs away from my ideal weight. But I'm not going for ideal! I'm going for healthy. And I'll be damn if I let a few hiccups come between me and my goal!! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some bicep and tricep curls to complete. :)

Going meatless post-Christmas and NY holidays

The Christmas holidays is everyone's excuse to gorge on too much food and drink, especially meat! Turkey, lamb, pork, chicken and beef (usually in that order) are consumed on an almost daily basis until New Year's day, when brand new resolutions kick in, the most famous being taking better care of one's health, and I'm being kind here. That's what I planned to do when I returned to work. It's been two days, and I've upped my fish, vege and fruit intake, without touching chicken at all. But then the leftovers of mum's Pork Vindaloo which we ate on New Year's day was too tempting to resist! So now I feel a little ill. Urrgghhh... This is also the time when we tend to appreciate simpler meals after eating too much of meat the week prior. Spinach soup with chicken feet, prawn sambal and fried chinese sausages are all one needs to be blissfully happy. :) It's also day two of my 2013 workout. Walking at a slower pace than usual on the treadmill has never been as challenging as it was today, simply because I was walking through the pain in my left knee. It took all of my willpower not to push the big fat STOP button when all I needed to do was complete 15 minutes with an incline of 6%. And not workin out for 3 weeks then going back and starting over is like joining a boot camp! Every muscle hurts like the first time I had my butt kicked by my personal trainer on my first session with him. Speaking of working out, I'm always amazed by some of the members at the gym who can't help but cast what I think are envious stares at my sheer ability to sweat buckets within five minutes of starting my workout. What they don't realise is that I wished I didn't sweat so much, except of course at the gym. But it happens at will, especially when I stand near a heat source. Beads of sweat start to appear on my forehead and neck within 10 seconds!! I feel so cursed!! But being a fool for pain, I'm going back for more tomorrow. Adrenaline pumping through your veins sure feels better than a few shots of tequila during happy hour on a Friday night! :)

Resolution One Underway plus other sad mishaps

It was the first day of work for many today, the second day of 2013. Like me I'm sure many of you returned to the realities of daily life dragging your feet into work. I had loads to do on my return: reports of the previous month's performance; a job appraisal yet to be completed as well as preparing myself wholly gorge a new role. A daunting thought but I'm determined to be positive and motivate myself to do even better! Today I also found myself pouting a little less, as I promised to smile more at strangers and make better eye contact, as opposed to looking like the Grinch! As I headed for the gym today after work, I encountered a random act of kindness. While waiting to cross the road to enter the building where my gym was located, a young man decides to stop his car and motioned for me cross over before going on his way. I was grateful, not because I was relieved to have crossed the street as although traffic was heavy, it was also slow moving, so I would have eventually made a less than quick dash across. But it was the fact that someone decided to be nice and willingly wasted a few seconds to give me way that's put a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. But that didn't last long. As I got in the elevator to head up to the gym, I waited for this couple to enter so I held the door for them as they took a while before deciding to ride the lift with me. But was there any show of gratitude?? Certainly not. Then when we got to our floor and I motioned for them to get off first, they obviously did but again... no thank you. While I don't expect anything in return for being kind to people I sure as hell am not expecting them to not show any sign of acknowledgement either. Ah well, the year is still young and I will continue to report on the kindness of strangers as well as the indifference of some. Time for bed!

A New Year, a new day... and the beginning of my 2013 literary adventure

Happy New Year everyone! Somewhere last year, I made a promise to myself that I would start fresh in putting my thoughts, beliefs, anger, expressions of love/lust/happiness and whatever I may be feeling into my blog. And no better time to start than today. 2012 had been a great year, for me anyway. I plucked the courage to leave my old job, which was wearing me down physically as well as mentally and emotionally, and join a new one. I'm glad I did, because everything is different, most importantly the people that I work with! A new supervisor who is wonderfully understanding and compromising (AND young) as opposed to the old ways and almost draconian one I worked for 4 years prior. Among other factors, I left to "get well." There were other notable events but my job was the biggest change. It's funny, but I never truly enjoyed Christmas that just passed. I didn't feel the spirit of the holidays like I do every year. And just last night, on New Year's eve, I was sad for some reason. I wasn't sure if it was because I was feeling sorry for myself for believing in people and having them let me down again and again, or that I liked these people enough to want to give them another chance but know that I may only be fooling myself in the process. In my pain, I swore I would be cynical this year but I am not sure that even I would believe in that promise! Then, there's the other reason: that I may be losing a loved one, usually to death. So, being a God-fearing human, I prayed and PRAYED that I lose no one to illness this year. It's a brand new year and I think there should be resolutions this year. I had none the last two years! I still plan to travel and hope to see the Taj Mahal in India, go to Kathmandu and perhaps see a bit of Laos. The resolution bit? Going solo! :) Next, I've been told I rarely smile and as a result, makes me more unapproachable to people! Oh God, I'm turning into Dad!! This year, I pledge to smile at more strangers, and hopefully, make new and interesting friends along the way. But I am a nice girl, really I am!! Although I have no resolutions that involve weight loss (the D word is a SIN in my book) it would be great if I could take more walks, apart from the ones on the treadmill, pending great weather. Dammit, wished I didn't melt like a damn snow cone everytime I stand near the mearest heat source! I wanna rock climb!! Yes, under the circumstances, I may not be able to, even after I've reached the optimum level of fitness to do this, but I want to be able to try. Being bow legged only allows me to walk, but not necessarily to rock-climb or bungee jump (DON'T. EVER. TRY. - says my personal trainer). I'd like to think of these as goals for the year. When you turn your resolutions into Goals, they somehow seem less threatening and you are more determined to reach them. So maybe I did have resolutions which I've met the last two years; I just dressed them up as goals, hehe... Time for breakfast and then help Dad prepare for NY lunch!! :) Welcome 2013!!!

What Middle Earth Would have Looked Like...

I've been so busy after returning from my holiday in NZ that i've only just been able to update my blog.

I'm so glad I got a chance to see half of this beautiful country... with only 12 days to move around, my friend and I made the best of our trip, by booking a bus pass that took us to most of the S Island's attractions. This is definitely a land for tourists who love gettin physical while on vacation.

Although there is something for everyone, I'm pretty sure that I'll be back there, prepared to tramp across some of their fabulous national parks. There's little left to say, so I will let the pics fill in for me.

Lake Tekapo

More of Beautiful Lake Tekapo

View from our boat ride through Milford Sound. It was breathtaking!

The disappearing glaciers of Franz Josef

Kaikoura's Pancake Rocks

The Kiwi Mission

I’m going to New Zealand in three months.
That’s Feb 2012, to be exact. And I. Am. Stoked. YEAY!!
Can’t believe that this, one of my ultimate dreams, is about to come through sooner than I thought it would. It was so exciting in the beginning, when I booked the flight. Then the stress kicked in because of the planning – I was only going for 12 days – on where to go and not to go. There was much to see!
The plan’s done, finally, and the little thing left to do is prepare myself for this holiday, physically.
After all, you can’t go to NZ and just sightsee! OMG, the no. of things that one can do in this picture postcard-perfect land, home to the Southern Alps and Marlborough country… I needed to prepare.
So I’ve begun my mission of being healthy enough to take long walks, hikes even, when I eventually get to the Land of the Long White Cloud. To do that, I’ve got to “hike” the treadmill, cross train at higher intensity levels and “climb” the stepper. Well, it’s only been three days and I know I’m doing it right because my thighs are on fire!
And when the pain eventually dissipates, I must push some more. But I will be ready come February. To dance with Aotearoa.

To PT or not to PT... I chose the former

For four months now, I’ve been actively working out at the gym, after more than two years of dragging myself over once, sometimes twice a week at most, in order to contain my blood pressure.
Every time I get a migraine, I hate going to the doctor’s because I know what’s coming: they check my blood pressure first, then tell me that it’s just a little too high for comfort. Then they give me a form which requires me to come in 5 times in a week, practically daily, to check my BP. I was certain that it was due to a lack of sleep. After all, I worked the night shift, permanently. And sometimes, I don’t sleep so soundly. Determined to prove them wrong and that I did not have blood pressure issues (no meds for me), I convinced myself that exercise was the key to keeping my BP at a normal rate, a healthy rate.
But try as I might, I just could not motivate myself enough to visit the gym at least thrice weekly. And even when I did, I was not pushing myself hard enough, but sufficient to keep my heart rate at its maximum to reap any benefits. I was getting bored.
I considered paying for sessions with a personal trainer, but the last time I got a free session with one, all he did was injure me. I was in a special group of members, you see: I am bow legged, complete with two busted-up knees. There were certain exercises I just could not do. So the thought of getting a personal trainer that was just going to make me worse turned me off the idea. That was, until Kuna introduced himself.
Kuna was a new personal trainer at the gym. After showing me how to use one of the weight machines correctly, he then started asking me about my workout frequency, or lack thereof, and asked if I considered working with a personal trainer to help my motivation. I explained my reasons, but then when he said that as a trained physiotherapist, he could tailor a workout that would work with my injuries and improve the strength in my knees, my ears perked up a little more!
So I gave him the time to explain what working with him would be like and what he could do for me, and I was hooked! But I had to consider the cost, and the consequences. Then I told him what my expectations were, that I wanted to be stronger and for my knees to hurt less, and he assured me that the exercises he would have planned will help a great deal.
After a week of contemplating, I signed up for 20 sessions, not realizing what I had gotten myself into. The first two weeks of my PT sessions with Kuna started off with gusto, followed by aching muscles from my neck to my toes. But with every session, he pushed me to do better, faster, harder, heavier! There was no room for excuses, or whining as he kept telling me that I was strong and that I could cope with the ton of weights he had me pulling, pushing, lifting 30, 40, 80 times in a row! Halfway through each session, I wanted to kill him. But once I was done, I didn’t want it to be over! He even used reverse psychology on me, by telling me that I couldn’t do something and I found myself falling for it every time, because it made me want to prove myself that much more!
That is what’s so great about getting a personal trainer to work with you. You get the motivation you need to start, and once you do, it’s hard to stop. To have someone there to push you and tell you that there’s nothing you can’t do and that you shouldn’t doubt yourself, made every extra pound lifted so much easier.
It’s been four months now since I completed my sessions with Kuna, and I wished I could still work with him. Being out there, on that treadmill can sometimes be a nightmare, especially when I’m tired... The urge to reduce the speed or incline is just. so. tempting. But talking myself through it is sometimes the only self motivation I have. That, and knowing that Kuna is lurking, observing and peaking over my shoulder, makin sure I don't cheat!

The Big Bad Wolf is Baaaaaack!!!

The Big Bad Wolf Sale is back!!
A lot sooner than I expected, that I had actually forgotten about it until a week before it started. As usual, I took the day off on the first day of the sale so that I didn’t miss out on some popular titles.
I’d wanted to get more books this time round, but unfortunately I hadn’t brought enough bags to fill with more books. I was quite disappointed by how little my stash was but am hoping that I make it back again before the sale ends. One of the books I’d wanted to get my paws on was Disappearing World by Alonzo C. Addison. I looked around practically all over the premises but could not find a single copy. I’m pretty sure there a few still available, but if I could only return to the sale.
Apart from some classic literature, and Nelson Mandela’s autobiography, my stash this year is hardly remarkable. Still, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that one of my friends is planning on going this weekend so I can join them.
Watch this space for my list of purchases. In the meantime, if you have yet to visit the sale, do so NOW! It’s worth the time and drive, believe me. :P

The Business of Word-Play

I’ve always wanted my own little business.

But I didn’t know what kind of business it was going to be. Then a former friend suggested we sell jewelry. After discovering how easy it was to source for supplies, I started making a few pieces with the beads I had and had my sister take them to work to see if there was a future for me in jewelry making.

She came back with 3 of the 15 pieces I had passed to her to sell! Excited, I made more pieces of jewelry a few weeks later and had her try to sell them for me. It wasn’t so bad until I realized I had to replenish my stock of supplies. So I did and made a few more, and sold a few more things, all the while wondering if this friend was still interested in the joint-venture she initially suggested. I ended up doing this side business by myself.

Unfortunately after some time, I suffered from designer’s block! Had no idea what else to create, and eventually left my stash alone, thinking I’d come back to it when I’m next inspired. Well that didn’t happen for another year, during which time I was considering another kind of venture – bags. I came up with designs but never got around to actually putting a bag together, period! By now you’d notice that I’m a classic procrastinator. I’ll keep making plans to do things but they never pan out. It’s usually due to not feeling very creative, especially when you work nights and want to crash the moment you head home.

Sure, I tinkered with a few pieces – my first hobo bag made from an old skirt and my grandmother’s old sarung, and a makeup bag from a preppy pinstripe cotton fabric I purchased from the local fabric shop. I’ve also made fabric flowers, sewn a skirt and a top for my cousin’s wedding, plus a few other experiments, but I could never commit to just sticking to one thing.

So here I sit, bashing my keyboard, hoping for inspiration. They say that you should do what you love, and that is what will make a successful business venture. Well I don’t know if I’d want to have my own business for right now, I just don’t have the time to invest 100% of myself into doing anything long term. However, I do enjoy writing, telling stories, whining, screaming to the world about the world’s injustices! I love words and how stringing a whole bunch together allows you laugh, talk, shout, scream, say I-Love-You or even You Suck! to another human being.

Sure, as much as conversation is fun, it would be difficult to beautifully articulate your long standing infatuation for that senior in high school and how he makes you heart skip a beat every time you see him… by saying it to his face! I’d rather run for the nearest hill and stay there with the coyotes than express unrequited love verbally. That’s what letters are for! You pour your bleeding heart out on paper, and when you’re finally done, fold it put it in a perfumed envelope then kiss the seal as you hand it with trembling hands to a friend you hope will keep your identity a secret. And once the letter is passed on to your beloved, you wonder with excitement and bated breath if he knows you exist and who you are. No! You don’t want him to know that the girl who’s been silently stalking him around school at recess, ducking for cover every time he senses you’re watching, is the same you who’s said how much you love him in that bleeding letter. UNLESS… he feels the same way, then of course you’d want to run to him and say: “YES, it’s me! The one you’ve been waiting for and loved from afar for so long.”

Alas, he doesn’t know you ever existed but you’re ok with that. Content that you’ve said all you’ve wanted to say to him and hope that he’ll start looking for you, perhaps, with the desire to pour his bleeding heart out to you.

AHEM! So where were we?? Ah yes, the power of words, the written word especially. It has the power to incite hatred; move mountains with its passionate call to do what is right and just for the human cause; save endangered species; mend broken relationships; end bad ones…
It’s true I love to write and express my emotions and thoughts, good and bad. Maybe I should consider writing for a magazine or a paper. Make it my business to share a few laughs, food for thought or even nostalgia of the past with other readers. Or maybe, I could start my own version of Hallmark and create cards that say what its sender can’t in person.

I’m going to have to make time for that too, and now I’m wishing there was 30 hours in a day, ARRGGHH!!

At Ease with Myself...

It's taken a while, but I'm finally at peace with being myself.

Loosely translated, I am no longer obsessed with my weight, or how my arms jiggle when I wave goodbye, or that my thighs "kiss" when I sit down. :P

I've realized that should I continue to be unhappy, I will never be able to live my life, if I'm always worried about how I look or how people see me. I would guess that age plays an important factor where being at peace with one's self is concerned. It would be immature to still worry about the little things even as you sit and contemplate turning a ripe age of 35, for instance.

It takes a lot before you reach that stage of loving yourself as is, and the after-effects can be quite pleasantly surprising.

For one, I seem to be attracting younger men... which is funny, since I had no luck with men when I was in my 20s, only much older men. And now that I'm in my thirties, I've got guys looking like they've just graduated college, check me out or even flirt outwardly. I've got to be doing SOMETHING right if that's happening! LOL!

At the moment, the one right thing I am doing is taking care of myself. Yes, I got a personal trainer at the gym, and I've been spending more time at the gym lately than I have at home, in bed. The goal is to have buckets more energy so that I can better enjoy my holidays, especially where lots of walking and exploring are to be had. I also need to make sure that the ticker keeps on ticking and that I don't become a walking time bomb ever since my dad's heart attack. They say your risk is higher once you have one parent with the disease.

My singular goal is to be strong and healthy enough that I can last the distance on a daylong hike, or very close to it. If I end up looking like Jennifer Hudson after she went on Weight Watchers, well that's just a big fat plus. ;) But I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't matter if I lost two dress sizes, because it would be the icing on my oh-so-much-healthier cake. :)

But I'd be damned if I have to follow a strict diet to whittle down, because I still eat what I want, only a little less than even my previous usual helpings. And whatdyaknow... I'm still dropping kilos! :D

It's amazing what happens when you start loving and accepting yourself more... just the way you are.