When I started this blog, I wanted it to be about me and who I am, my thoughts, and what makes me tick - the everyday, sometimes mundane, sometimes shocking, but always an eye-opening experience.
Bowtales was named after yours truly - I am severely bow legged, and though I used to think that not being perfect physically has made me the person I am today, it may well turn out to be a curse as well...
After years of suffering sometimes severe pain in both my knees, a particularly searing pain in my right knee forced me to get my butt over to an ortho specialist to find out what was causing the jolt of pain every time I took a step with my right leg.
The first visit was daunting, and tiring. I spent a whole day at the hospital, having to wait my turn since it was a walk-in consult, then the specialist decided I needed an MRI. This, I could only do an hour later as it was near lunch break.
So I go back in after lunch and wait for my turn at the imaging lab, and when I was finally called in, it took all of two hours to complete. Then, twenty minutes after that, the results are in, I get called back to see the doc and he tells me that my meniscus is severely damaged. He said there is little to do but put me on annual course of three injections directly into the knee to help repair the damage some, and put me on some oral meds. He then tells me, that I may need knee replacement in ten years time. I was thinking, "yeah, right!" and asked him what the other alternatives were. He said I could go without the surgery provided I lose the weight.
That was definitely the alternative I'm considering. But two months after my third course of the injection, I go back for a followup and this time, he decides to get an Xray done on both my knees. THe results were a little shocking. First, he tells me I have a metal plate with four screws in my left leg. I don't even remember if my folks told me anything about that.
A little history lesson: My parents discovered I was severely bow legged when, at five years old, the bow in my legs worsened instead of them straightening. So they got me to a specialist, who discovered an extra bone growing in my left leg, and decided to remove it. The metal plate was placed to secure the femur and tibia until they healed. As for the bow, they recommended that I use braces, which I did, but that didn't last long. Apparently, it hurt me too much to wear them, so mom decided enough of that, and stopped putting them on me.
So yes, I could have fixed the problem after a few years of wearing the braces, but my poor folks couldn't see me in pain, so they gave it up... and here I am, decades later, and it seems to have backfired.
Back to my specialist. He said the angle that my legs are bowing are pretty severe and that knee replacement was inevitable. Although he stressed that he would not recommend it now, since I'm still young, but if I don't take a load off (meaning: lose weight) soon, I will eventually require surgery.
And as for the metal plate and screws, well I just need to get rid of them as they serve no purpose. In fact, a couple of the screws might do more harm than good, according to Dr Huang (that's his name). Two of the screws might be hitting a vital nerve, and he wanted to do an MRI to determine if they were close enough to cause paralysis.
I was shocked and in awe of the Xrays. It wasn't the fact that I may need surgery down the road that scared me, it was the screws! And the surgery to have them removed. It may be a minor one, but I guess the fear stemmed from the fact that I had to get it done soon.
Needless to say, I was bummed out the whole day after my appointment. It then hit me all at once.
The fact that this could have been avoided had I not been a brat, I would have had my legs straighten and I would have been able to be the start athlete I'd wanted to be in school. That I wouldn't be this overweight blub who could no longer run in school or join the hockey team because my knees kept acting up. It was all due to my bow legs.
It's difficult to say if I was blaming anyone at this point. It would be easy to blame my folks, but I won't do that. It's not like they sat and did nothing when they saw me in the condition I had been in. But to think, that a pair of leg braces could have helped me some... i'm still mad at my self for not being strong. I wish they were strong enough to make that decision to fix me, and ignore my cries of agony.
However, it's too late now to do anything.
Then again, today, I have control of my own body. Which means, I get to decide if I let myself slip further into the abyss of pain and disrepair or I work hard to fight it. And losing weight is a battle on its own. But it's no longer about vanity, but about the need to hang on to everything that God has given me - my bones, tissue, menisci, muscle... and I have no intention of letting metal replace the "machinery" that I was born and blessed with.
I am not givin up without a fight.
