To PT or not to PT... I chose the former

For four months now, I’ve been actively working out at the gym, after more than two years of dragging myself over once, sometimes twice a week at most, in order to contain my blood pressure.
Every time I get a migraine, I hate going to the doctor’s because I know what’s coming: they check my blood pressure first, then tell me that it’s just a little too high for comfort. Then they give me a form which requires me to come in 5 times in a week, practically daily, to check my BP. I was certain that it was due to a lack of sleep. After all, I worked the night shift, permanently. And sometimes, I don’t sleep so soundly. Determined to prove them wrong and that I did not have blood pressure issues (no meds for me), I convinced myself that exercise was the key to keeping my BP at a normal rate, a healthy rate.
But try as I might, I just could not motivate myself enough to visit the gym at least thrice weekly. And even when I did, I was not pushing myself hard enough, but sufficient to keep my heart rate at its maximum to reap any benefits. I was getting bored.
I considered paying for sessions with a personal trainer, but the last time I got a free session with one, all he did was injure me. I was in a special group of members, you see: I am bow legged, complete with two busted-up knees. There were certain exercises I just could not do. So the thought of getting a personal trainer that was just going to make me worse turned me off the idea. That was, until Kuna introduced himself.
Kuna was a new personal trainer at the gym. After showing me how to use one of the weight machines correctly, he then started asking me about my workout frequency, or lack thereof, and asked if I considered working with a personal trainer to help my motivation. I explained my reasons, but then when he said that as a trained physiotherapist, he could tailor a workout that would work with my injuries and improve the strength in my knees, my ears perked up a little more!
So I gave him the time to explain what working with him would be like and what he could do for me, and I was hooked! But I had to consider the cost, and the consequences. Then I told him what my expectations were, that I wanted to be stronger and for my knees to hurt less, and he assured me that the exercises he would have planned will help a great deal.
After a week of contemplating, I signed up for 20 sessions, not realizing what I had gotten myself into. The first two weeks of my PT sessions with Kuna started off with gusto, followed by aching muscles from my neck to my toes. But with every session, he pushed me to do better, faster, harder, heavier! There was no room for excuses, or whining as he kept telling me that I was strong and that I could cope with the ton of weights he had me pulling, pushing, lifting 30, 40, 80 times in a row! Halfway through each session, I wanted to kill him. But once I was done, I didn’t want it to be over! He even used reverse psychology on me, by telling me that I couldn’t do something and I found myself falling for it every time, because it made me want to prove myself that much more!
That is what’s so great about getting a personal trainer to work with you. You get the motivation you need to start, and once you do, it’s hard to stop. To have someone there to push you and tell you that there’s nothing you can’t do and that you shouldn’t doubt yourself, made every extra pound lifted so much easier.
It’s been four months now since I completed my sessions with Kuna, and I wished I could still work with him. Being out there, on that treadmill can sometimes be a nightmare, especially when I’m tired... The urge to reduce the speed or incline is just. so. tempting. But talking myself through it is sometimes the only self motivation I have. That, and knowing that Kuna is lurking, observing and peaking over my shoulder, makin sure I don't cheat!

At Ease with Myself...

It's taken a while, but I'm finally at peace with being myself.

Loosely translated, I am no longer obsessed with my weight, or how my arms jiggle when I wave goodbye, or that my thighs "kiss" when I sit down. :P

I've realized that should I continue to be unhappy, I will never be able to live my life, if I'm always worried about how I look or how people see me. I would guess that age plays an important factor where being at peace with one's self is concerned. It would be immature to still worry about the little things even as you sit and contemplate turning a ripe age of 35, for instance.

It takes a lot before you reach that stage of loving yourself as is, and the after-effects can be quite pleasantly surprising.

For one, I seem to be attracting younger men... which is funny, since I had no luck with men when I was in my 20s, only much older men. And now that I'm in my thirties, I've got guys looking like they've just graduated college, check me out or even flirt outwardly. I've got to be doing SOMETHING right if that's happening! LOL!

At the moment, the one right thing I am doing is taking care of myself. Yes, I got a personal trainer at the gym, and I've been spending more time at the gym lately than I have at home, in bed. The goal is to have buckets more energy so that I can better enjoy my holidays, especially where lots of walking and exploring are to be had. I also need to make sure that the ticker keeps on ticking and that I don't become a walking time bomb ever since my dad's heart attack. They say your risk is higher once you have one parent with the disease.

My singular goal is to be strong and healthy enough that I can last the distance on a daylong hike, or very close to it. If I end up looking like Jennifer Hudson after she went on Weight Watchers, well that's just a big fat plus. ;) But I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't matter if I lost two dress sizes, because it would be the icing on my oh-so-much-healthier cake. :)

But I'd be damned if I have to follow a strict diet to whittle down, because I still eat what I want, only a little less than even my previous usual helpings. And whatdyaknow... I'm still dropping kilos! :D

It's amazing what happens when you start loving and accepting yourself more... just the way you are.