Bowing to My Detriment

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be about me and who I am, my thoughts, and what makes me tick - the everyday, sometimes mundane, sometimes shocking, but always an eye-opening experience.

Bowtales was named after yours truly - I am severely bow legged, and though I used to think that not being perfect physically has made me the person I am today, it may well turn out to be a curse as well...

After years of suffering sometimes severe pain in both my knees, a particularly searing pain in my right knee forced me to get my butt over to an ortho specialist to find out what was causing the jolt of pain every time I took a step with my right leg.

The first visit was daunting, and tiring. I spent a whole day at the hospital, having to wait my turn since it was a walk-in consult, then the specialist decided I needed an MRI. This, I could only do an hour later as it was near lunch break.

So I go back in after lunch and wait for my turn at the imaging lab, and when I was finally called in, it took all of two hours to complete. Then, twenty minutes after that, the results are in, I get called back to see the doc and he tells me that my meniscus is severely damaged. He said there is little to do but put me on annual course of three injections directly into the knee to help repair the damage some, and put me on some oral meds. He then tells me, that I may need knee replacement in ten years time. I was thinking, "yeah, right!" and asked him what the other alternatives were. He said I could go without the surgery provided I lose the weight.

That was definitely the alternative I'm considering. But two months after my third course of the injection, I go back for a followup and this time, he decides to get an Xray done on both my knees. THe results were a little shocking. First, he tells me I have a metal plate with four screws in my left leg. I don't even remember if my folks told me anything about that.

A little history lesson: My parents discovered I was severely bow legged when, at five years old, the bow in my legs worsened instead of them straightening. So they got me to a specialist, who discovered an extra bone growing in my left leg, and decided to remove it. The metal plate was placed to secure the femur and tibia until they healed. As for the bow, they recommended that I use braces, which I did, but that didn't last long. Apparently, it hurt me too much to wear them, so mom decided enough of that, and stopped putting them on me.

So yes, I could have fixed the problem after a few years of wearing the braces, but my poor folks couldn't see me in pain, so they gave it up... and here I am, decades later, and it seems to have backfired.

Back to my specialist. He said the angle that my legs are bowing are pretty severe and that knee replacement was inevitable. Although he stressed that he would not recommend it now, since I'm still young, but if I don't take a load off (meaning: lose weight) soon, I will eventually require surgery.

And as for the metal plate and screws, well I just need to get rid of them as they serve no purpose. In fact, a couple of the screws might do more harm than good, according to Dr Huang (that's his name). Two of the screws might be hitting a vital nerve, and he wanted to do an MRI to determine if they were close enough to cause paralysis.

I was shocked and in awe of the Xrays. It wasn't the fact that I may need surgery down the road that scared me, it was the screws! And the surgery to have them removed. It may be a minor one, but I guess the fear stemmed from the fact that I had to get it done soon.

Needless to say, I was bummed out the whole day after my appointment. It then hit me all at once.

The fact that this could have been avoided had I not been a brat, I would have had my legs straighten and I would have been able to be the start athlete I'd wanted to be in school. That I wouldn't be this overweight blub who could no longer run in school or join the hockey team because my knees kept acting up. It was all due to my bow legs.

It's difficult to say if I was blaming anyone at this point. It would be easy to blame my folks, but I won't do that. It's not like they sat and did nothing when they saw me in the condition I had been in. But to think, that a pair of leg braces could have helped me some... i'm still mad at my self for not being strong. I wish they were strong enough to make that decision to fix me, and ignore my cries of agony.

However, it's too late now to do anything.

Then again, today, I have control of my own body. Which means, I get to decide if I let myself slip further into the abyss of pain and disrepair or I work hard to fight it. And losing weight is a battle on its own. But it's no longer about vanity, but about the need to hang on to everything that God has given me - my bones, tissue, menisci, muscle... and I have no intention of letting metal replace the "machinery" that I was born and blessed with.

I am not givin up without a fight.

I found My Voice!

I found it! I found a way to show off my “nice”, “sweet”, “sexy” voice (as quoted by people I’ve spoken to) for the rest of… well, Malaysia, to hear.
There is actually a website that allows one who has a great voice to showcase her talent in the hopes of getting chosen for the next great, funny, one-of-a-kind radio commercial. Not only for radio though, there’s tv and IVR as well. I’m so thrilled that I found it.
I didn’t hesitate to sign up and wait to be contacted so that I can record a demo and pay up the annual fee as a “potential” member.
I may not make it as a radio announcer, but I’m confident once I put myself out there, I’ll get a gig. :D
Oh, and making some extra money wouldn’t hurt either!

A hunger of a different kind

It’s early on a Sunday morning, and I’m wondering what I’m doing up.
Apart from checking my emails, I keep logging in and out of a couple of websites. Personals websites. I’m trying to see if my profile catches an eye, gets someone’s attention long enough to want to write to me.
I must be lonely. Am I perverse to long for someone… Anyone to love? To hold, and snuggle up against? I know I want to feel a warm body against mine. Someone to touch and feel, to share laughs with, longing stares…
So I get in and out of those sites I’ve subscribed to… hoping someone interesting enough will write me, or say hi, and proceed with connecting.
It’s during moments like this when I wonder about the luck that some people have to be in love with their partners, while I sit here, desperately wanting to connect with another human being – hoping that sparks start flying, that he’ll want my no. next so he can call me to talk over the phone and not just chat online.
As I sit here, I am chatting with Russ. A little teasing and flirting goes some way toward feeling desired… but Russ isn’t thinking about a future… at least not while we’re chatting. He’s trying to figure a way to get me into bed when he transits while on his way to Cambodia…
Maybe it’s time for bed. And a little less thinking…

I'll be leavin on a jetplane!

In approximately 25 hrs and 30 mins from the time I'm done with this post, I'll be on a plane headed to Australia to visit my relatives.

But I can't wrap my head around why I'm not as excited about going to Perth as I had been over my previous holidays - to Cambodia, Bali and Bangkok. As happy as I am to meet up with my two aunts who've made a home in Perth, I guess I haven't read much about what's exciting there for me to drool over.

I've done a little bit of homework, but not enough to whet my appetite. Still, I'm open to the visit, and the other upside is that I'll be meeting with my friends, whom I got to meet when I was in Bali. They'll be taking me camping by the beach. That's something to look forward to. :)

While I'm still online, I might as well read up on where it is I'll be going.

I'll have details when I get back... in two weeks.

Jan 8: A dark, dark day in Malaysia's history

I was not prepared for the news that started coming in, about churches being burnt or were purportedly bombed, due to the reaction of certain ignorant parties in response to the High Court ruling that allows the Herald Catholic Weekly to use the word, "Allah".

I was in tears... in total shock as to what our country has come to, that we have to resort to violence in order to make our voices heard.

Then, I got mad! Only in Malaysia, do you have a government fighting for the exclusive right of Muslims to use a word to address their God. Is Allah the God of only the Muslims?

Where was I when the announcement was made that each faith worshipped a different God? Is there not ONE GOD? The same God that we all worship and pray to? We may have different names for Him, but He is the ONE and ONLY GOD.

And what's happened to a country that prides herself in being a home to many diverse ethnicities, cultures, religions and beliefs, but live together peacefully? Where was that tolerance and peace last Friday?

People, you need to educate yourselves!! That's what the internet is for!! Go find out the origins of the word, Allah! Go find out how long ancient civilisations have been addressing God as Allah!! Don't listen to ignorant rantings and finger-pointing unless you have your facts right!

If you don't, you will continue to lash out blindly, all because someone was playing batu api, by just jabbing you with lies, they can easily get you to do the crazy dance.

This explains the fear people have of things they are unfamiliar with or know nothing of.

Well, enough is enough! Arm yourselves with knowlege, for that is where you become powerful... when you are educated and informed, and then make your assessment based on fact, NOT fiction.

It's a new year! How time flies...

Happy New Year! We're only five days into 2010, so it's not screwy to wish everyone.

What a year 2009 has been. I can't believe I travelled more than I would have imagined, in one year. Bangkok, Siem Reap, Bali... the only thing stopping me from always keeping my backpack unpacked is the lack of money to jetset. :)

Having said that, I haven't made many big plans for travel. There is the one to Perth coming up in March, and then where...?

I do have one big goal to achieve this year (you could call it a resolution as well), and that is to lose massive amounts of weight so I can play sports again.

I was the ultimate tomboy back in the day. Anything boys did - like play games or sports - I wanted in on it! There were no limits for me. I climbed trees and hills when I was a kid. I joined a mini marathon at 13 (though I didn't finish, naive to the fact that one trains for marathons, and I hadn't!) and tried out for the hockey, netball and basketball teams in school.

But after my knee injury, I gave up. Everytime I ran or jumped, it hurt and I never said anything to my parents, so nothing was done. And I slowly let myself go. Now, I'm a ball of fat! Well, I don't look like a ball, I do have curves, but still, the weight I'm carrying around isn't making life easier for my joints. And having gone on those holidays last year, they were too much for me, evidence of an unfit heart.

So I only have one resolution this year - to lose it. I'm about 35kgs overweight. I plan to lose 30kgs, and I plan to do it slowly. If calculations serve me correct, losing 1kg a week would see me losing my goal weight by July. Of course, that would be wishful thinking, as there are bound to be obstacles like hitting a plateau midway throught your workout, and falling off the wagon once in a while. Which is why I'm giving myself a whole year to do it.

While I work towards this goal, I'm busy reading my books from the big bad book sale in Nov 09. Crazy me, I'm in the midst of reading three books, alternating between them.

The Big, SosoBAD, Fabulous Book Sale!

I read about the Big Bad Book Sale in the Sunday Star (Nov 22) and couldn’t believe I missed the first one!!

What rock had I been under all this while? I MUST pick up the papers more often, difficult to do when you work the night shift and all you want to do is sleep ALL day until it’s time to wake up and get ready for work the same evening. Sigh….
Anyway, after reading the article on the book sale and the fact that all books were going for 70% to 90%, I thought “Yeah, right!” but decided to go anyway. And I couldn’t have asked for a better first day of sale than Nov 26, when I had the day off, and so could catch up on my sleep once I got home. So I informed my book-crazy best friend, who was up for it as well.

Come Thursday morning, we met for breakfast, drove down to Amcorp Mall – where the sale was being held – and had to endure a long queue of cars entering the vicinity to find parking. Lucky for us, we didn’t take long to find a spot and promptly made our way into the building. It was 1030am when we got there, so the crowd wasn’t so bad, but within a half hour, it swelled. And during that time, I was picking up book after book after book!! I wasn’t too concerned about the damage it was about to do to my budget, but after a while, I couldn’t carry that many in my hands. I wasn’t prepared with my own bags, and the thought of lugging those boxes around looked like too much work. So I got a max of a dozen books, which were a puny amount, by my standards, and waited another half hour in line to pay for them.

My friend got about the same amount, and after paying for everything, I realized with dread, that I should have gotten more!! Then I realized that I had a big problem…. I was addicted to books!! So addicted in fact, I could feel myself shaking from not spending enough time at the book sale, not smelling and feasting my eyes on enough hardcovers, paperbacks, puzzle books, magazines!!!
When I got home, I told mum about the sale, and on Monday, Nov 30, she went there around 4 and came back with 6 books. Mum’s not much of book-crazed fiend like me, but she enjoys books all the same.

I was so excited about going back to the sale on Dec 2, I sit here behind my work desk, narrating this. So the last day of the sale, I was there at 12pm, and saw a smaller group of people browsing what was left after the whilwind that hit the first few days of the sale. This time though, all books above RM5 were going at that same price. FOr one last time, I made my rounds, picked up book after book of what I thought would be good reads, and this time I carried a shopping bag to put them all in. My brother, needless to say, join in the fun, and after picking up his 4 book, was afraid that he may taken too many (four is too many??) but I encouraged him along, and the damage later on, was a mere RM88, for about two dozen books. Still too little, but it was my first massive book sale experience.

I'm already waiting in eager anticipation for the next one, which may probably only happen next year, MONTHS away from now. For now, there is a pile to go through, and I've already finished reading two. :D

Seven days and counting...

It's a wednesday morning, OCt 21 to be precise.
I'm at work, multi-tasking - working AND googling - and couldn't be happier, in spite of the freezing cold confines of my office.
You see, exactly one week from today, I'll be on my way to Siem Reap, Cambodia - home of the Angkor Wat - one the greatest Hindu temple ruins in the history of the world's civilization.
I've always had a fascination for old buildings - structures that have stood tall and proud for hundreds of years and perhaps a milennia - with the most unfathomable stories that tell of its past.
It's going to be an early flight in, but I don't mind... i've been dreaming of going to Siem Reap for the longest time, and I can finally afford to fly there and soak myself in the rich history that was part of the Khmer people of Cambodia.
When I return, it'll be with a memory cardful of pics as well as great memories... ;)

I CAN'T WAIT!!

I've been hibernating

I'd like to think I've been hibernating the whole time I've gone AWOL, but really it's been nothing more dramatic than me working and not having any strength for much else after.
But I promised myself that I will continue to write something, ANYTHING, so that the more words I print on my virtual journal, the more Hemingway-esque my musings will be...
Onward!!

A Fab Film! And that's the ugly truth. :P

I haven't been here for a while now and that's because I have not been inspired lately to spew gibberish all over my page.

But on Sunday, I fell madly in love with The Ugly Truth that I'm shouting it from the rooftops, sotospeak!

Aside from the fact that the sexy and funny Katherine Heigl and the yummiest Irishman on celluloid - Gerard Butler - were the main players, the film speaks to all of us who've been in love or are still looking for it.

Heigl plays this stiff knowitall and fixitall television producer who is a control freak and we find out just how this plays into her social life when she does a background check on a guy she was about to go on a date with, and later at dinner, spits out facts about bottled water really being tap water, when he orders some to go with his scotch! Needless to say, she goes home alone and (duh) to her pet cat.
She then chances upon Gerard Butler's character on a low rating tv show when her cat accidentally steps on the remote and finds him dishing out advice to women who are having trouble meeting men. Shocked by what she hears, she calls him up to tell him that not all men are shallowminded pigs but he shoots her down with more of his mcp bullshit.

I'm not going to ruin the rest of the movie for you but rest assured, it's plenty of laughs and brash one liners, mostly coming out of Butler's mouth! How hot is he!!
No guesses for what happens to the two characters at the end of it, but it is still worth your RM10, trust me!

I'll be spending another RM10 when I go see it again with another friend!!!